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पूर्वको पर्यटकीय ग्राम भेडेटार नपुगे यात्रा अधुरो | एक हजार तामाङ काटिएको इतिहास | देवकोटा प्राय: भन्थे -- म मर्न चाहन्छु | तीज गीत “झुम्का लगाउँछु“ | विदुषी बुलु शर्माको कथा | युएईमा ससफोको दोश्रो पार्टी एकता दिवस सम्पन्न | सिक्नेचर मुभि – थिन्क पोजिटीभ ग्लोबल क्याम्पिन | मेरो पैतृक अध्यात्मको पाटो | तेह्र बर्षीय गायिका सुबिका राईको प्रथम म्युजिक भिडियो | सबिना गुरुङको चरी चिरिबिरी सार्वजानिक | आठपहरिया राई र दशैं | आमा बित्दा रुने फुर्सद छैन | मेरो भलो चिताउने साथी | मेरी यस्ती एउटी बहिनी | पहिलो प्रेमअनुभूति - राजकुमार दिक्पाल | हामीलाई एक्लै छाडी पन्नाकाजी पनि हिंडे | कीर्तिनिधि विष्टबाट नइलाई ३० लाख | छापामार युवतीको डायरी | सुरेन्द्र लिम्बू परदेशीलाई अस्वीकृत विचार–साहित्य पुरस्कार साहित्यकार | ‘सगरमाथा साँझ–३’ आयोजना गरिने | विश्व साइकल यात्रीले प्याराग्लाईडिङ प्रशिक्षण लिँदै | चेतनायुक्त प्रतिपक्षीय बिचार नै ‘अस्वीकृत बिचार’ हो - डा. कविताराम श्रेष्ठ | विपि प्रतिष्ठानमा सकियो उपकुलपतिको पदावधि, आकांक्षीहरु शक्तिकेन्द्र धाउदै | ’वोझ नहोस् मेरो माया.. | माओ त्सेतुङ, सुखानीमा हत्या र म | हङकङमा नेपाली भाषा, साहित्य र संस्कृति सप्ताहको रौनक | गोयाङको सुगन्ध कृतिलाई २,०२,००२ रुपैयाको पहिचान पुरस्कार | प्रा. डा. कृष्णहरि बराल दुबाईमा सम्मानित | केशर माङयुङको नयाँ गीत ः भिडियो सार्बजनिक | तेजेश्वरबाबु ग्वंगलाई २०७२ सालको 'घटराज पुरस्कार' | Vote for Mira Rai | वाल गायिका प्रीशा श्रेष्ठको 'प्रीशा' | गीतकार प्रकाश सुवेदीको ’मनका कुरा तिमीलाई सार्बजनिक | देशदेशान्तरका २०५ जनालाई-सत्यमोहन जोशी शताब्दी पदक | तोडेर नाता जाँदै छु प्रिय तिम्रो नजरबाट - राकेश काफ्ले | सत्यमोहन जोशी ः शताब्दी पुरुष | सिडी बिजय र मनिशाको पत्ति नमिलेको तास बजारमा | सन्जीव र नलिना पोर्तुगल आउँदै लिस्बोन | ’डढेलोभित्रका सतिसाल’ हङकङमा प्रिमियर | आठपहरिया राई र दशैं | 'सत्यमोहन जोशी शताब्दी पदक' | यूएइमा फोनिज गठन हुने | दार्जिलिङले के सिकायो ? अन्तत: सूधपा को हुन् ! | सडकबाट शिखर पुगेका ब्यक्तित्व | नौ हजार फिटबाट २३ नेपाली उडे | साहसिक हिरो सानोबाबु सुनुवारलाई सम्मान | पाँच फिट अग्लो अभिनन्दन पत्र | साउदीमा प्रवासी नेपालीले मनाए क्वाटीपूर्णे | स्याङजा समितिमा दुई लाख हिनामिना स्याङजाली कान्छासहित निष्कासि | स्वर, सङ्गीत र शब्दका शिखर : गोपाल योञ्जन | गायक सुरेश राना मगर : कुराकानी | गुरुङ तमू समाज मकाउको प्रथम अधिवेशन | मकाउमा सेतो पुतली ः भूकम्प पीडितकालागि पुननिर्माणकालागि सहयोग जुटाउँदै | महाकविका प्रिय कवि श्यामदास वैष्णव भन्छन्- | अम्बर गुरुङ नेपाली आकाशका गीत थिए | यूएइमा साकेला उँभौली-५०७६ सम्पन्न | ओ...खरबुजा...खरबुजा...! | पुण्यरश्मिलाई बीपी कोइरालाको सहयोग | आमाप्रतिको आदर ः आभा मुकारुङ | Mother Tongue Education Rights of Ethnic Minorities | सुटिङ सम्पन्न | कविता - सम्झेर पुर्खा | हङकङमा पूर्खादिवस २०१६ | फोरममा सामूहिक प्रवेश | किरात मञ्च नेपालको सङ्गठन विस्तार | धरानमा प्याराग्लाइडिङ | साइप्रसमा ग्याल्बु ल्होसार भब्य सम्पन्न तथा नयाँ कार्य समिती गठन | बुद्धिसागर बश्याल - अनलाईन वार्ता | त्रिमूर्ति निकेतनमा ११४ औं सम जयन्ती | अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय तेक्वान्दो प्रशिक्षक प्रकाश थापालाई सम्मान | आफ्नोपन बिना बाँच्नुको सार छैन ।- यासेली योङहाङ | सङ्गीतका अमर साधक रत्नबहादुर खड्गी | विश्व शेर्पा संघको तदर्थ समिति गठन | तारादेवी नेपाली गीतगायनमा बहुचर्चित नाउँ | समाज सेवामा अगुवा सँस्था गुदेल शेर्पा किदुग | त्रिमूर्ति निकेतनमा १३२ औं लेखनाथ जयन्ती | क्वाणटम साहित्यको व्याख्याता - डा. मधुकृष्ण श्रेष्ठ | सेप्टेम्बर १, २०१६ देखि प्राथमिक १ कक्षामा भर्ना हन गइरहेका छन् भने | आदिवासी जनजातिको निम्ति समर्पित पेम्बा गेलु शेर्पा | इजरायलमा जनमूक्ति मंचको गठन | सुनगाभा फुल्यो लेकैमा...म्युजिक भिडियो सार्वजनिक | राईलाई ‘नइ धनरूप पुरस्कार’ | राष्ट्रिय एकता खलबलाउने संविधान स्वीकार हुन सक्दैन । | बिबिसी नेपाली सेवाको एकपक्षिय प्रसारण विरुद्ध खेद प्रस्ताव पारित र नेता शेर्पाको रिहाईको माग | एघारौं त्रिमूर्ति दिवस- ९ जना पुरस्कृत १७ ओटा कृति लोकार्पण | न्युयोर्कमा ट्राभलिङ किम्फ सम्पन्न् - देशी विदेशी दर्शकहरुको सहभागीता | शेर्पा किदुक साईप्रसको प्रथम बैठक सम्पन्न | जीवनको अनुवाद र सोम लिम्बू | साईप्रसमा महिलाहरूको वर्चस्व रहेको शेर्पा किदुक गठन | सबैको गुरुमा - भारती ओख्राबो | साईप्रसमा राजनैतिक पार्टी र विध्यार्थी एकता | माया ठकुरी ‘नेपाली साहित्य नारी रत्न’ घोषित | गीत-सङ्गीतमा लाग्नेहरूले कहिल्यै एक्लो हुनुपर्दैन ।- केन्जुमा सुब्बा | “सक्छौ भने युद्ध गर्न आऊ भनेर राज्यले हामीलाई निम्तो दियो” : डा. ओम गुरुङ | हङकङ र मकाउको सफलता पछि किम्फ अब अमेरिकाको न्यूयोर्कमा | बैँककमा जम्बो कार्यक्रम 'चुम्लुङ' सम्पन्न | शेर्पा संघ, यूरोपको तेश्रो महाधिवेशन सन् २०१६ को लोसारमा आयोजना हुँदै | १२ भाषाका ज्ञाता : हेमचन्द्र पोख्रेल | नामी तर दुखी शान्ति मास्के | कवि रण काफ्ले भारतमा पूर्वोत्तर हिन्दी एकादमीबाट सम्मानित | भयवाद दर्शनको पुस्तकलाई दुईवटा अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय अवार्ड | सावधान सरकार ! खबरदार सरकार ! | हङकङको नेपाली साहित्यकार, गीतकारहरुमा नाम छुटाउन नहुने व्यक्ति-- डीबी पालुङ्वा | हङकङमा समवेदना व्यक्त गर्न मैनबत्ती प्रज्वलन कार्यक्रम | पुर्खा दिवस र थपिएका अर्थ | हङकङमा पुर्खादिवस सम्पन्न | द युनिभर्सीटी अफ हङकङमा भयवाद्का कुरा | गाउँमा के गर्न सक्छु भनेर सोची रहेको छु – गौतम सागर राई | हङकङमा पुर्खादिवसको भव्य तयारी | अबका नेपाली पुस्ताले आफ्नै जन्मथलोमै ब्यवस्थित जीवन यापन गर्न सकून् -कर्मा छिरिङ शेर्पा(बेलायत) | आफ्नै जन्मगाउँका उकाली-ओरालीले गायिका बनायो । -रत्ना बराईली(लोक-गायिका) | ‘मनभरी चोट भए पनि दर्शकसँग हाँस्नु पर्छ ।‘ - लाक्पा शेर्पा(अमोद) | आफ्नो भाषा-सँस्कृति-धर्म-भेष अँगालेर कला-कर्ममा प्रयोग गर्दा सुहाएको जस्तो लाग्छ । --बरधोज | आँसु झारेँ धेरै-धेरै केवल तिम्रैलागि--ईशा लावती लिम्बू(गीतकार) | मानध्वजको चरित्रले मलाई नै रुवाउँछ । ___ मौसम ईम्बुङ(चेसुङका लेखक-निर्देशक) | ‘गायिका नै बन्छु’ भन्ने जवाफ नदिए पनि गायिका नै बनेँ' -- आभा मुकारुङ | किम्फका उत्कृष्ट | बालकृष्ण समको सङ्क्षिप्त परिचय | शिक्षा र ज्ञानले मानसिक, शारीरिकरुपले सबल तुल्याउँछ - जुनिता लिम्बू | संगीतकार गणेश गुरुङका बारेमा र केहि सम्झना | निदै छैन आँखामा --गायिका जशोदा सुब्बा | गायिका तायाहाङमा राईको दोस्रो एल्बम ‘तराना’ सार्वजनिक | कुशल गायक- कुशल थलङ | मलाई टिपिकल कला-सँस्कृतिप्रति रुची छ -सुमी लिम्बू(नृत्यकार/मोडल)-बर्मा, हाल: बैँकक | कलाको गला | चीनकी दीपा एवाईको योगदानबारे चर्चा | बजगाईंको कथासङ्ग्रह ‘कमरेड भाउजू’ सार्वजनिक | छुटेका पाइलाकी स्रष्टा-- बुलु शर्माबाट नइलाई छ लाख | हङकङमा नेपाली सप्ताह २०१४ सम्पन्न | शताब्दी पुरुषको स्वास्थ्यमा सुधार -- सरकारबाट १० लाख रुपियाँ प्रदान | अल्बम बेचेर आमाघरलाई सहयोग | त्रिमूर्ति निकेतनमा १३१ औं लेखनाथ जयन्ती | हङकङमा नेपाली साहित्य लेखन ज्यादै उर्बर छ - टंक सम्बाहाम्फे | सरकारले पनि डा.जोशीलाई शताब्दी पुरुषको सम्मान दिने डा.जोशीलाई १०१ ओटा अभिनन्दनपत्रहरु प्रदान | विश्व नेपाली स्रष्टा कोश प्रकाशित गरिने | एडिबीको ऋण सम्झौता | नौजनालाई नइ बाल पुरस्कार प्रदान | गरीबीले भोकै मरे फरक पर्दैन, तर सँस्कृति-सँस्कारहीन हुनु साँच्चीकै समाप्त हुनु हो --- मनोज साङसोन | ओराङफुङ जस्तै गायिका देशु सुहाङ | महाकवि देवकोटाबारे केही जानकारी | त्रिमूर्ति निकेतनमा देवकोटा जयन्ती | नौ जनालाई नइ देरुनीखपू बाल पुरस्कार | यूएइमा पत्रकारिता तालिम सम्पन्न | एचके नेपाली रेडियोका कुरा | TEARLESS EYES_Story by Vijay Kangmang | किरात राई यायोक्खा यूएइ शाखाको पाँचौ अधिवेशन सम्पन्न- | भलिबल प्रतियोगिता सम्पन्न, स्क्याड समुह प्रथम | पारिजातको जीवनकथा | अमिलो पानीपुरी र पिरो चटपटेले १ लाख ८० हजार संकलन गर्यो | हङकङमा धरानेहरुको बृहत जमघट | नइ भूपाल दुर्गा पुरस्कारको स्थापना | सम्भावना बोकेका सर्जकहरू हुनुहुन्छ,साहित्यिक एकता भने देखिन्न- बिद्रोही साइला | यूएईमा नेपाली कल्चर शो | उत्कृष्ठ सभासद छनौट प्रक्रियाको शुभारम्भ | हङकङमा प्राथमिक विद्यालय भर्नाहुन चाहाने विधार्थीहरुकालागि | 'माई प्रोमिस' धरानमा प्रिमियर | Apple Announces Apple Watch, Available in Early 2015 | भयवाद विश्वको कान्छो र नौलो दर्शन हो – देश सुब्बा | हामी आफैँभित्र पनि अमूर्त अनेक शक्ति, स्रोत र सम्भावना छन् -खगेन्द्र पन्धाक | डिभिजन-३ को लागि१८ जनाको नाम सार्बजनिक | सधैं अरुको भलाइँ गरिरहने सरला गुरुङको कलायात्रा | गीतसंगीत साधकहरुकालागि प्रिय साथी, असल नेपाली – राजु गुरुङ | धरान हङकङ मञ्च : १५ औं वार्षिक उत्सव भव्यरुपमा हङकङमा मनाउने | लोकप्रिय गिटारिष्ट यादव राई | STORY- The Second State | गजल रचनाका प्राथमिक आधारभूत केहि तत्व र नियमहरु | अभाङ्गगार्ड, खलिल जिब्रान र हाम्रा नानीहरू | टेरिया मगरको राहदानीमा समस्या ; युएईको कार्यक्रम स्थगन | मातृभाषाको विकास र चुनौतीहरु | iPhone 6 -- Apple's 2014 iPhone, debuting September 9 | हराएका राहदानीको विवरण इन्टरपोलको वेबसाइटमा | Stay alert against communicable diseases in new school year | नेपाली संगीतमा ‘आरोही’ : पहिलो एकल अल्बम लिएर आए सुनिता र अनुशील | विश्व आदिवासी दिवस | के हो यो ALS र Ice Bucket Challenge? | राजेशपायल राई हङकङमाः असाह्य बालबालिकाहरुको शिक्षदीक्षाकालागि ५० हजार दिने घोषणा | मानवीय सहयोगकालागि हङकङमा मेलोडी नाइट | Philosophy of Fearism | नेपालीको सान जितू राई बने विश्वको नं. १ खेलाडी | D. B. Chitrakar | Quality of life | 'भारतसँग राजनीतिक तहमै समस्या समाधान गर्नुपर्छ' | तेरिया अव युएईमा | हङकङका ८ नेपालीलाई ‘भानुभक्त स्वर्ण पदक’ | नेपाली साहित्यका महारथी गणेशबहादुर प्रसाईको निधन | जोशीलाई पाँच लाख रुपियाँ सहित शताब्दी पुरुष | आदिकवि भानुभक्त आचार्यको जीवनी | २५ स्रष्टाहरूलाई ‘भानुभक्त काव्य पुस्कार’ | रक्तदाताहरुलाई रेडक्रसको सम्मान, जगतअम्बू गुरुङ सम्मानित | भारतीय गोर्खाहरुको विविध साँस्कृतिक कार्यक्रम | हङकङमा विश्व काव्य यात्रा भव्यरुपमा सम्पन्न- कवि चौधरी नेपाली विधार्थीहरुसँग | हङकङमा भव्य पूर्खादिवस | The Nepalese community in Hong Kong looks to preserve Gurkha legacy | राजा महेन्द्रको हृदयाघात र कीर्तिनिधि विष्ट | विश्वभर छरिएका गोर्खाली समाधिहरु | इन्टिग्रेसन, चिनियाँ भाषा अनि हाम्रा आवश्यकताहरू | Minorities face challenges in the classroom | बालकृष्ण समको सङ्क्षिप्त परिचय | कविहरूका पनि कवि ‘कविशिरोमणि’ लेखनाथ पौड्याल | समग्र जीबनको सांगीतिक अन्तर्मन्थन “गह” | एक विशिष्ट सांगीतिक कार्यक्रमः अम्बर गुरुङ रात्री | भूगोलमा नारायणगोपाल | त्रिमूर्ति निकेतनमा देवकोटा जयन्ती | देवकोटाको राँचीबास किन ? | देवकोटाले कहिले पागल लेखे ? | शुसिल नेवा बने मिस्टर हङकङ नेपाल २०१३ | झुक्तै नझुक्ने नेपाली शिर अर्थात् डा.वानीरा गिरी | नेपाली आधुनिक गीतका लोकप्रिय गायक फत्तेमान | हङकङको नेपाल | नेपाली भाषा साहित्य र डायस्पोरा | श्रीहरि, सरुभक्त र मञ्जु काँचुलीलाई त्रिमूर्ति पुरस्कार | पाट ह्योङ सेन्ट्रल प्राइमरी स्कुलको दिक्षान्त समारोह सम्पन्न | पराजुलीत्रयको सांगीतिक कार्यक्रम हुने | विष्णुनन्द चाम्लिङ राईको गीति संग्रह ‘सम्झौता‘ | विश्व नारी रत्नः वानीरा गिरी | प्रकाश सायमी दाइसँग सात दिन | पूर्वमा पर्यटन मेला | नेपाली क्रिकेटको कुरा | स्तम्भ लेखनबाट म विदा | नयाँ वर्षमा च्याम्बरको डाइरेक्टरी | एउटा ज्यूँदो मान्छे अनङगनाथ पौडेल | जनजाति महासंघको उद्घोष– अनसन र तालाबन्दी | हङकङमा पुर्खादिवस 2013 | नेपालका गौरवः लैनसिंह वाङ्देल | पहिलो दैनिक पत्रिकाको सम्पादक- गोविन्द मल्ल गोठाले | सेवाका आदरणीय- त्रैलोक्यनाथ श्रेष्ठ | मुलुकलाई निरंकुशतर्फ धकेल्ने षड्यन्त्रः राजकुमार लेखी | पहिचानको बिरुद्धमा उत्रनेहरू सबै जातिबादी हुन : अशोक राई | महिला दिवसमा कार्यशाला गोष्ठी | ‘रोहितको आकृति’को लोकार्पण | लिम्बू भाषाको चलचित्र “केःवा कोःक्मा“ हङकङमा प्रदर्शन गरिने | नेपाली बास्केटबल टिमलाई प्रोत्साहन | सुनसरी उद्योग वाणिज्य संघमा राजेन्द्र श्रेष्ठ | महावाणिज्यदूत नियुक्ति बदर गर्न विरोधसभ | नेपाली काग्रेसको दोस्रो धरान नगर भेलामा तनाव | थापा हत्याको विरोधमा चौतारी | किरायाद्धारा यूएईमा एक महिलाको उद्धार | दुबईमा बनभोजसंगै उधौली साकेल | जाडो बढ्यो नेपालमा | धरानमा फेरि सडक उत्सव | तुवाचुङ जायजुम सहयोग समिति गठन | किराँत विभूति इमानसिंह चेम्जोङ | राजन मुकारुङसंग साक्षात्कार | हङकङमा नेपाली सप्ताह २०१२ | त्रिमूर्तिमा १२८औं लेखनाथ जयन्ती सम्पन्न | काठमाडौँ विश्वविद्यालयको अठारौँ दीक्षान्त समारोह (दोस्रो कार्यक्रम) सम्पन्न | पहलमानसिंह स्वार-जीवनी | १४ अञ्चलमा विश्व नारी नेपाली साहित्य सम्मेलन गठन | शुटिङ रिपोर्टः कवि राई | अनाम सडकमाः जातीय एकताको संदेश | संघीय समाजवादी पार्टीको हङकङ तदर्थ समिति गठन | पहिलो समालोचना पुरस्कार समर्पण | धरानको खानेपानी समस्या समाधान गर्न एडिविले सहयोग गर्ने | आदिकवि भानुभक्त आचार्यको लघु जीवनी | भारतको आसाम राज्यको हवाइपुरमा “नेपाली साहित्यमा भयवाद” | गायक राजेश पायल राई नमस्ते यूरोप सांगीतिक यात्रामा स्वीटजरल्याण्ड पछि जर्मनी र बेल्जियम आउदै | विश्वभर छरिएका गोर्खाली समाधिहरु | मायादेवी राईसँगको कुराकानी | नेपालबाहिर रहेका नेपालीहरुको प्रतिनिधि नायक ध्रुव दत्त | गोर्खाः ईज्जत, इमान अनि प्रेष्टीज | प्रकृतिगामी --कथा | सर्वप्रिय कम्युनिष्ट ः जसुदा राई | नौकन्यालाई नइ देरुनिखपू बाल पुरस्कार प्रदान | सानैमा ठूली - शारदा अधिकारी | हङकङमा महाकवि देवकोटाजयन्ती २०१२ सम्पन्न | साब्लाबुङ | नेपाली जातीय कवि -पं.धरणीधर शर्मा | तेक्वान्दो प्रतियोगितामा हङकङेली नेपाली खेलाडहरुलाई सफल्ता |
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Philosophy of Fearism: Life is conducted, directed and controlled by the fear."1. ‘Fearism is a gift to the world from Nepali.’ Prof. Dr Tanka Prasad Neupane, Chairman, Fearism Study Centre: Baicharik Chintan, 2066 v.s. 2. ‘Fearism of Desh Subba has shake
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साहित्य र साहित्यकार
STORY- The Second State

- Indira Prasai
Translated by Dr.Anita Dhungel

“Amita, What is this you have done? Not even in my dreams had I envisaged you would disgrace me in my old age. What is lacking in Sambeg Babu? Why are you nurturing dishonorable relationships with Anuttarit and Anawarat ? What about your two innocent youthful children ? You need to think about them as well! Sambeg Babu, my son-in-law is akin to divinity and I have presented you to him. So, be advised Sambeg Babu’s tears will jinx you forever.” After many-a-days I had gone visiting my mother to inspect her health and fitness. It had been just a moment since I had gotten to my mother’s house, and when unable to hold back her harrowing inquiries any longer, she started enlisting her distraught concerns before me.

To confer upon this subject with my already aged mother was hopeless. Besides, I really didn’t have sensible solutions to my mother’s teeming disapprovals. Still, I did raise a question, “Mother, weren’t you comparable to a goddess as well? And didn’t your parents revere my father like a deity and offer you to him too? So, was it the spell of your mother’s tears that abetted my father to advance in his job, acquire powerful positions in his career, facilitate him to become affluent, which then allowed him to travel worldwide and profusely experience the luxurious indulgences of the world?” My mother listened with her eyes fastened steadily onto my face for a few seconds, and then she professed in a perplexed voice, “Don’t talk about your heavenly-departed father’s soul in such a manner Amita! Concede that he is a male! Men from prehistoric times never dwelt in only one nest. Even a society cannot indict such kind of male deed. We are women; we are the genus that are purported to exist and endure within the decree of their husbands.”

As customary, my mother decanted her grievances concerning me in consent with her eternal archaic dogmas. I had been listening, hearing, and beholding these shabby lop-sided creeds performed before me, since my early childhood, but never was in accord with them, ever. I never considered the exclusive gender stratification fixed by males as noble and virtuous. In fact I find sameness in the transgressions committed by the whites towards the blacks; indiscretion executed by the elite bourgeois towards the poor low class people of our own country; and the control, intimidation, and disregard carried out by the males on the females—as alike. My mother was subjugated by this very same cultural philosophy, which malformed her into becoming a conceptually incapacitated creature. Ironically, she now stands tall amidst these lop-sided women, like as if she is the spokesperson of this same society and culture. Intuitively, she performs the popular Nepali proverb to the word: She is like the bull whose eyes when accidently blown out (ruptured) during monsoons imagines the world as evergreen. Similarly, my mother’s mentality has been so manipulated and restricted that she sees monsoon even during droughts. My mother comprehends only the governed reality of a woman, because she has been coached to believe that a man’s reality is to spark and control existence.

I can boil and swell over with rebellion in the inside, but it is difficult to cause alteration in those beliefs, overnight. In fact, if you repetitively drill a healthy newborn child with the notion that she is crazy, subsequently she will really begin to believe that madness truthfully, is her saneness. Consequently, she will act correspondingly—like a mad person—all the time supposing that she is a well-balanced thinking individual. In other words she is totally transformed into a mad person. In a similar manner, this male-dominated society of ours has forevermore-threatened woman with: “You are weak, you belong to your husband, and because you are his property, you shall be exploited and subjugated by him.” That is why I have observed many weak women in our society who extol and regard themselves as exceptional commodity when subjugated, dominated, oppressed, used, and exploited by their husband’s. My mother stands as a specimen of such women. For that reason I fail to submit to her ideologies; in other words I am neither proficient nor accomplished to yield to her advice, uncritically.

Despite having a blissful married family life with my mother, my father had spousal relationships with other two women. My mother did not protest against my father ever, believing it was a man’s fortune to have and keep as many women he desired and that it was a woman’s karma to deserve this kind of destiny. I was almost past my adolescence during that time. My father used to visit us for a day, every other week from the new domiciliary that he had embarked upon. On the day of my father’s arrival, I would sunnily look forward to note the ecstasy and elation glowing in my mother’s face. That evening, for quiet late up to the night I would hear hushed indulgent murmurings emerge out from my parents’ bedroom. But, by the time I woke up—late into the next morning, my father would have already left for his destination. And my mother’s face would now have become dim and murky—analogous to sunniness gradually liquefying into sudden dusk.

In those days I used to ask my mother, “Mother why did Father leave so early? Why has he left living here with us?” My questions in all probability stung my mother’s wound more. She would obtrusively keep silent for some moments, and then after several minutes with tears threatening to inundate her face she would avert her eyes and look away into the empty space and say in an expressionless voice, “My dearest, if your youngest step-mother chances to find out that your father comes to visit us, even if it be for a night, it will be problematic for him.” When I used to hear my mother give these kinds of justifications, hundreds of piercing questions would crisscross my heart and soul. Observing my mother’s facial expression bereft with pangs of separation for her beloved, I could not muster nerve to probe her with additional inquiries. But those very questions was fashioning a formidable rebellion within me.

The look on my mother’s face—of eagerly awaiting my father; of my overjoyed grease-painted mother, who acted like she was receiving a divinity the moment my father arrived (except for me his presence was a harsh reminder of his desertion); the fidgety eagerness that shaded my mother’s eyes and bearings, were tips of fervent hope for his next visit—and these images troubled me immensely. As a matter of fact, more than what I studied in colleges and at universities for many-a-years, I was mercilessly absorbing at home the un-forgetful lessons of life.

Because of the feeling of righteousness that mother had towards father, and as father practiced injustices on mother—a mutinous roomer was emerging from within me. But until I was married, these emotions and feelings remained concealed within me in such a manner that even I stayed oblivious of it. After my wedding the audacious occupant within me progressively commenced to search for her entitlements. Each night when sexual intercourse transpired between Sambeg and me, I began to imagine and categorize Sambeg as my father and a man. But the anxiety that alarmed me most was the angst that smoldered within me. The angst was: I did not wish in time—particularly from this relationship—to alter and become just like my defenseless mother. During that time I confronted the conflict within me and also waged war with myself. I did not want to be like my helpless mother and shed tears my whole life. My aspiration was to reach the state that my wily father had moved into and experience the pleasurable indulgences of life.

I agree completely with my mother’s opinion of Sambeg. That is, I acknowledge my husband is equivalent to godliness. There is nothing wrong in him. He is very honest and sincere about me and in our relationship, but to my senses he is a culprit, for being my husband. I will never permit him to modify into a man just like my authorial father. Probably, because by nature women need to conceive in the womb to create—so that may be the reason why the males feel they need to rule over her. In fact, since the discovery and advancement of family planning procedures and because of the commercials and advertisements by media houses, there really does not exist any distinction between a man and a woman? A woman by practicing these methods can decide when and where to conceive and become pregnant. Hence, these days she has gained control of her body and has become more powerful than a man. I have read details described in history books, that powerful people always rule the world. The one who reigns is the sovereign and the one who is governed is the vanquished. I cannot explain these things to my mother. She is that kind of a person who becomes happy when ruled. She could certainly not conceive becoming a sovereign and the fulfillments attained from that power position. I suppose, humans can never fulsomely appreciate delights, possibly without experiencing it themselves.

The drive behind such lengthy rationalization is nothing else, but just a submission of evidence: about my complete authority over Sambeg. Actually, if I concur to social obligations and liabilities, it is forbidden for me to have dealings with the two: Anuttarit and Anawarat. Still, I grant upon them the status as my other spouses, despite having a first husband. I gain gratifications from them besides Sambeg. Besides the rest of the men that I have come in contact with, these three males are whom I have exchanges at a regular basis—that is every day. I distribute and spend definitive time with each of the three. If truth is told, out of the three I achieve boundless contentment with Anawarat. All my three males yearn for my affections and aspire that it be directed towards them singularly. They do not appreciate my involvement with the other beside themselves. All three are awfully envious of each other.  Each contests to influence and control me. Ordinarily, these masculinities masterminded authority on women and cast-them-off as expendable commodities, but now because I exploit them they have morphed into expedient resources.

For that reason occasionally these three resist and try to challenge me. It is not that I have not practiced Chanakya-niti like a respected chief to squash their mutiny successfully. I have already told you before also that out of the three the one male who I love ardently and allow residing with me is Anawarat only. I acknowledge and endure Anuttarit and Sambeg because I consider them my accountabilities. That is why I spend three days in a week with Anawarat, and spend only two days each with Anuttarit and Sambeg. Their face becomes despondent and melancholic the day their turn closes for that week. While bidding adieu until the next time, they look with eternal desire woefully shimmering through their eyes, all the while attempting to inflame and entice me to return early. I gain immense contentment during these specific moments in time.

Besides this I am equally proficient in my household responsibilities. Just as Anawarat and Anuttarit are covetous for copulation and companionship, and just as they are appeased by me, similarly Sambeg, whom society has set the designation as my legal husband, is equally covetous to copulate and cultivate camaraderie with me, and is correspondingly content with me. He realizes nevertheless, that I am not utterly compliant to him. When I am thru with my phase with Anawarat and Anuttarit and go to meet Sambeg, at that moment I witness a countenance in his eyes, which I am quiet familiar with from the past. There I perceive illimitable desolation, lucidly. What I witnessed as a child in my mother’s eyes I detect the same expression documented by Sambeg’s eyes. My entire fictional gratification transpires just in that singular momentary spell.

Amita! Come have some snacks!” my mother’s loving voice jolts me back to reality. Engrossed in judiciously evaluating my past and present I had not realized the passing of time. Dusk progressively inhabited the outside world. I did feel a little acerbic when I noted the puffy eyelids of mother. However, my mind was feeling victorious and was surfing my newly conquered flag of independence; I was in no mood to listen to mother’s never-ending archaic narratives of suffering.

Mother quietly sitting down facing me was morbidly brooding about something. I sight in my mother’s pool of woe my vague and undefined future, the social boycott and orthodox interdicts that I may need to go through. At times I feel biliousness thrusting itself out from my insides against my mother’s defenseless stature. Frustrated, I question myself: Why do women need to be so weak? Subsequently, I contemplate the patriarchal conditioning and her binding problematical situation, and then speedily I feel compassion for her.

“Mother! Your daughter no longer remains as the vanquished, but she has become the vanquisher. You should be proud of her.” Somehow I want to say this to my mother. But, it is impossible to gratify my mother with this kind of exchange. My mother’s mother had seen five co-wives and my mother had heard that her grandmother had seen seven co-wives; so, to convince, pacify, and make my mother accept that I have liaisons with other men than my husband, was a next to impossible mission. Mother is a sapling of patriarchal orthodoxy; hence it will take many centuries to nullify these generational ideologies. That is why to say these makeovers—that she notes happening in and around her during this era—is toxic, is not a bizarre matter for her.

Amita, you are educated and comprehend everything. Do not act out on interests that are not good for you,” mother voiced her concern in an emotional tone. For a minute I was startled with her entreaty, but immediately I endeavored to be in control and in command of my state. “Mother you need not worry. You don’t understand, but there lies no dissimilarity between any man and me? I am resilient from every perspective. I can be triumphant and win all competitions if I were to participate in an activity with any man. Since creation of this world, the strong have always held power and authority over the feeble. You were weak that is why males controlled and commanded you. But, at the present moment I am strong and that is why I command over men. Mother, I have done nothing wrong. And there is nothing new-fangled in this conviction as well. This is just a changeover in human standing and conduct.”

My mother listened to my conversation in a dazed manner. How much was I successful in communicating to her, was I or wasn’t I able to commune to her these ideas, I have no inkling whatsoever.

    (First Published in Asmita Magazine : A leading Feminine Magazine of Nepal, on 1998)

आफ्नो मत व्यक्त गर्नुहोस्
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